Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
