he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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