gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
