based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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