I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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