Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
