I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
