Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do herpes really smell.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
