that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
