I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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