i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we're so committed to being not committed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
