Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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