You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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