Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
