She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
