if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
