The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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