Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
