I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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