Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
