i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
