i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
