I cockslap morals
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
