When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
