did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
