oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
