Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
