Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
