drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
