i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
