I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
