Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
