Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
