hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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