let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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