the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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