I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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