Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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