the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
