I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
