My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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