I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
