FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
