Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
