That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
