So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
