And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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