great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
