I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
