i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
