They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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