You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
