Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
